Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Intimate Rejuvenation Surgery

Hey ladies, nothing quite says "fuck you" to an ex-lover than having a new fanny, especially when the ex in question has footed the bill for the 'rejuvenated' fairy.

Reality star Brandi Glanville (never heard of her) from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (?) decided to get the ultimate revenge on her cheating hubby, Eddie Cibrian, after he ran off with forever bikini-wearing (multi-millionairess) LeAnn Rimes—by charging the $12,000 dollar intimate surgery to his credit card.

Brandi Granville, she's had her lips done you know!

Now, a couple of things here; firstly - erm?  Fraud? Much?  I think I would very much like to be in the courtroom for that hearing.  

"So Mr Cibrian, you didn't sanction the payment for the re-alignment of Ms Glanville's beef curtains?"

"No Sir, I did not"

Secondly, can we just deal with the terminology 'intimate rejuvenation surgery', now I get the 'intimate' and obviously the 'surgery' bit, but here's where I am struggling - 'rejuvenation'? 

Does such surgery really make you feel and look young and revitalised.  Let's face it, unless you're planning a career in the adult film industry there's not many folk going to see where that $12K has gone.  And surely, any new bloke will just be pleased to see and use the equipment regardless of it's condition.  Is he really going to go down there and do an itemised inspection of the goods with a checklist giving it marks out of ten?  

To be fair to Brandi, maybe she's got 'before' and 'after' shots that she can show her girlfriends and any potential shag buddy so they can play spot the difference over a cold glass of chardonnay? 

Thirdly, and possibly the most worrying is the mindset you must be in to consider such drastic action. Most women, when they get dumped, head to the hairdressers for a new do to shake off their bastard of an ex.  How many head down to the plastic surgery clinic for a designer vagina?  Only in Hollywood I guess.

Lastly, of course is the irony that the only man who would really appreciate the new downstairs refurbishment, is Mr Cibrian himself.  “Wow Brandi” he’d probably say “this new tight vag is the dog’s bollocks, shagging that old one was like throwing a sausage into an alley, this one’s almost as tight as LeAnn’s.”