It’s been a while since I last took part in Kate Takes 5’s Listography, in fact the last time I did I was trolled bigstyle. Anyway, I like the subject matter
this week and hey, my stats could take any another trolling incident (only
joking).
This week’s hot topic is: Top 5 Truths –
According to Women
Blow Jobs are sexual currency
At the beginning of a budding romance they
are given freely and frequently, this is because we want men to like us and
think we’re hot in bed. Once long-term
commitment has been established such intimate acts will be confined to
birthdays, special occasions and the times when we want a ridiculously
over-priced pair of shoes.
Sometimes
prolonged begging on the man's part can work, but be warned under these
circumstances the BJ will not be performed with as much gusto as when we take
it upon ourselves!
Wine is a Mood Enhancer
Wine makes everything OK. Shit day at work? Kids playing up? Husband being an arse? Have a glass of wine and the world is lovely
and rosy again.
However, and this is a big however, once
you break into that second bottle of wine you very quickly go from Mrs Happy to
Mrs Melancholy, and before you know it you will be sniveling into your
Chardonnay about that spotty boy who dumped you when you were 14.
Leggings are not pants
Unless you are under 3 years old, leggings
should be worn as part of a layering system.
A long top, tunic, mini skirt or dress MUST, I repeat, MUST, be worn
over the top of leggings. The world does
not want to see your arse crack, cellulite or camel’s toe. The world has just eaten!
What the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh
away
AKA known as Sod’s law. You really, really cannot have it all. The day your hair looks nice, a massive
yellowhead will miraculously appear on your chin. Your period will arrive the day you want to
wear a light coloured dress to an event and your child will be sick every time
you book a romantic restaurant.
Your children will choose their own friends
No matter how much you try to get your
child to play with that lovely middle class family, your best friend’s kids or
the couple down the road who have a pool, your children will always pick the
opposite. Suck it up and get ready for
play dates with kids whose Mums have nothing in common with you, you never know
you might actually end up liking them—if not then at least you’ll have some
gossip fodder for when you see your friends.
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