Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Top 5 Truths - According to Women

It’s been a while since I last took part in Kate Takes 5’s Listography, in fact the last time I did I was trolled bigstyle.  Anyway, I like the subject matter this week and hey, my stats could take any another trolling incident (only joking).

This week’s hot topic is: Top 5 Truths – According to Women

Blow Jobs are sexual currency

At the beginning of a budding romance they are given freely and frequently, this is because we want men to like us and think we’re hot in bed.  Once long-term commitment has been established such intimate acts will be confined to birthdays, special occasions and the times when we want a ridiculously over-priced pair of shoes.  

Sometimes prolonged begging on the man's part can work, but be warned under these circumstances the BJ will not be performed with as much gusto as when we take it upon ourselves!

Wine is a Mood Enhancer

Wine makes everything OK.  Shit day at work? Kids playing up?  Husband being an arse?  Have a glass of wine and the world is lovely and rosy again. 

However, and this is a big however, once you break into that second bottle of wine you very quickly go from Mrs Happy to Mrs Melancholy, and before you know it you will be sniveling into your Chardonnay about that spotty boy who dumped you when you were 14.

Leggings are not pants

Unless you are under 3 years old, leggings should be worn as part of a layering system.  A long top, tunic, mini skirt or dress MUST, I repeat, MUST, be worn over the top of leggings.  The world does not want to see your arse crack, cellulite or camel’s toe.  The world has just eaten!

What the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away

AKA known as Sod’s law.  You really, really cannot have it all.  The day your hair looks nice, a massive yellowhead will miraculously appear on your chin.  Your period will arrive the day you want to wear a light coloured dress to an event and your child will be sick every time you book a romantic restaurant.

Your children will choose their own friends

No matter how much you try to get your child to play with that lovely middle class family, your best friend’s kids or the couple down the road who have a pool, your children will always pick the opposite.   Suck it up and get ready for play dates with kids whose Mums have nothing in common with you, you never know you might actually end up liking them—if not then at least you’ll have some gossip fodder for when you see your friends.

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