Monday, February 27, 2012

Weekend Observations from the Rice Fields

Dear Donkey Riders*

My mind has been full of lots of little, niggling things of late, none of them particularly important, but I thought I'd jot them down, so to speak, to clear my head.

Frank Carson - sorry to hear of your recent demise, however I am 100% sure you were already dead. 

Walker's Crips - your new advertisement campaign sucks - surely if no-one knows what flavour your crisps are, this is a bad thing?

Ford Fiesta - that woman would find her keys easy peasy in a bag that small. If you really wanted to get your 'keyless entry' across you should have used a proper 'mum' bag.

Lips - why do you keep splitting in the middle of the night, do you not think I have enough things to wake me up!

Joel (manager of our village's Under 6 footie team) - if you will insist on putting Joseph in goal (I wish you wouldn't, he's rather shite at it), could you at least do it with your better players on the pitch so that he doesn't ship in 4 goals in as many minutes and ends up heartbroken and blubbing to himself in the goal mouth.

Victor Valdes he ain't!

Mr MRW courier man - I know you have my phone number. You know my intercom doesn't work. Why not ring me when you have a parcel to deliver?

T'husband - I don't mind you going out wining and dining with customers, I do mind you coming home stinking of garlic. Lay off the patatas bravas!

Anti-Adele Brigade - what the fuck is up with you?  Why can't you be pleased we have a genuine homegrown talent who is wiping the floor with everyone?

Pinterest - bit bored of hearing all about it now.  It is not the best thing since sliced bread, nor is it the devil's work.  It's just another social media platform.

New Blogger Dashboard - I curse you, and I curse you again.  I don't know what the hell I am doing anymore.

*For the benefit of a few certain ladies - they know who they are!