Thursday, July 28, 2011

Dear So and So..

The Back in Leeds Addition

It's been a while since I've done any of these but I have so many little greviances that it seems like the perfect vehicle to slap them all into for a blog post....

Gratuitous picture of a Growler

Dear Next

Just because you have a sale on doesn't mean that women have stopped being pregnant, please put your maternity range back in your stores before I leave.

Yours the slightly annoyed pregnant woman in need of some maternity jeans.



Dear Shops (too many to list individually)

Why are the  Maternity/Baby/Children/Toilets alway up 4 flights of stairs/escalators/lifts I can't find.  I'm pregnant you know, my feet/pelvis/back/ribs hurt and I want to spend my money as painlessly as possible.

Also, why is everything I want to look at at ankle level.  Yes Boots - I'm talking about you!

Yours in agony



Dear Self

Giving yourself 1 minutes and 20 seconds to hoof it across Leeds Train Station would be ambitious at the best of times, downright bloody stupid in your current condition.

I can only apologise to any innocent bystanders and other travellers on the Ilkley train. It won't happen again.

Yours eternally embarrassed



Dear Maternity Tights Makers

Announce yourselves, preferably before Saturday as I need a nude pair for a wedding.

Yours in desperation

Fat bird needing something to cover up her crappy legs


Dear Old Crow in Marks & Sparks

Your 2 year old grandaughter isn't petulant because she's a redhead, she's petulant because she's 2. And, whilst we're on the subject; a toddler throwing food off their highchair doesn't require a smack just a firm reprimand.

And your lipstick was too bright for daytime!

Yours narkily

The non-smacking mother of another redhead


Dear Fellow Shoppers

It's just freerange rude to comment on a pregnant woman's size.  Yes I may have looked like I was ready to give birth in the queue in Next, and yes by the time I'd got to Boots I probably looked like I'd given up on life in general, but keep your comments to yourself eh...

Yours not appreciating the "you haven't got long left" comments, aka "fuck off and die bitch, I've still got another 3 months to go..."



Dear In-Laws

Just how many different types of blue cheese can you taunt me with?  One or two varieties would have been enough to ensure a cheese jealousy but 4 is verging on cruel.

However, I did very much appreciated the pork pie.

Yours affectionately

Can probably (just about) wait until Christmas for my Stilton, daughter-in-law


Dear Family

Why are we unable to travel anywhere in the world without one of us becoming ill on foreign soil?

Yours hoping it's just a 24 hour bug


Monday, July 11, 2011

Numbers for Names

So the Beckhams have given birth to their daughter, well Victoria has—I'm sure David looked uber cool in his scrubs putting off the midwives whilst Vicki was having her tummy tuck c-section though.  I don't usually pay much mind to celebrity birthings etc, but obviously with us expecting a girl I was interested to know what the new Beckham addition would be called.

A false alarm had the girl called Felicity last week, I rubbed my hands together with glee—Felicity was not on our list!  Now Harper Seven has been brought into the world and my twitter timeline is littered with both approvals and virtual smirking, with most agreeing that 'Harper' is quite nice but not really digging the 'Seven' bit. There was even some unkind fellows suggesting that it sounded like 'Half-past Seven', obviously being the mature, Beckhams loving person that I am, I didn't laugh—much.  Personally, Harper sounds too much like Harpic to my mind and Harpic Seven could be some kind of industrial strength loo cleaner.

But I did get to thinking about naming children numbers, it's not without its plus sides.  If you've got a few kids, like the Beckhams, and are somewhat forgetful when it comes to folk's names, like myself, then numbers could work.  

As we are yet still very undecided about a name for our unborn daughter, I quick as a flash asked t'husband what his football shirt number was, after much deliberating he decided that he also worn number 7, or sometimes a 4.

Well obviously seven is out... can't be seen to copying the Beckhams, how chavy is that! But thinking on, Four could be mistaken for 'For', and that could be very confusing. Back to the numbers board then, or twitter for some help in this matter.

Hmmm, Eleventy Six, hang on though... how will that be pronounced in Catalan? "Elebenty-Seesh", nah that doesn't really work.  In fact very few English numbers worked particularly well in either Spanish or Catalan, trust me I'm sad enough to have sat here and worked through them. 40 and 50 were players, although coupled with our surname it did rather sound like someone was asking for a quantity of cigarettes, and our name isn't Benson or Lambert.

A-ha!  We could use Spanish or Catalan numbers.  Cuatro has a nice ring to it, as does Ocho.  But the child will be a Catalan so really Spanish numbers are out.  So what do you think?  I'm rather toying with the idea of Trenta or maybe Disset?