It's been a while since I've done any of these but I have so many little greviances that it seems like the perfect vehicle to slap them all into for a blog post....
|Gratuitous picture of a Growler|
Just because you have a sale on doesn't mean that women have stopped being pregnant, please put your maternity range back in your stores before I leave.
Yours the slightly annoyed pregnant woman in need of some maternity jeans.
Dear Shops (too many to list individually)
Why are the Maternity/Baby/Children/Toilets alway up 4 flights of stairs/escalators/lifts I can't find. I'm pregnant you know, my feet/pelvis/back/ribs hurt and I want to spend my money as painlessly as possible.
Also, why is everything I want to look at at ankle level. Yes Boots - I'm talking about you!
Yours in agony
Giving yourself 1 minutes and 20 seconds to hoof it across Leeds Train Station would be ambitious at the best of times, downright bloody stupid in your current condition.
I can only apologise to any innocent bystanders and other travellers on the Ilkley train. It won't happen again.
Yours eternally embarrassed
Dear Maternity Tights Makers
Announce yourselves, preferably before Saturday as I need a nude pair for a wedding.
Yours in desperation
Fat bird needing something to cover up her crappy legs
Dear Old Crow in Marks & Sparks
Your 2 year old grandaughter isn't petulant because she's a redhead, she's petulant because she's 2. And, whilst we're on the subject; a toddler throwing food off their highchair doesn't require a smack just a firm reprimand.
And your lipstick was too bright for daytime!
The non-smacking mother of another redhead
Dear Fellow Shoppers
It's just freerange rude to comment on a pregnant woman's size. Yes I may have looked like I was ready to give birth in the queue in Next, and yes by the time I'd got to Boots I probably looked like I'd given up on life in general, but keep your comments to yourself eh...
Yours not appreciating the "you haven't got long left" comments, aka "fuck off and die bitch, I've still got another 3 months to go..."
Just how many different types of blue cheese can you taunt me with? One or two varieties would have been enough to ensure a cheese jealousy but 4 is verging on cruel.
However, I did very much appreciated the pork pie.
Can probably (just about) wait until Christmas for my Stilton, daughter-in-law
Why are we unable to travel anywhere in the world without one of us becoming ill on foreign soil?
Yours hoping it's just a 24 hour bug