Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The F word

In just over a week's time this ol' donkey will be turning for... I said turning for... try again... turning fort.... no, it's no use, I just cannot say that word. It's too depressing, too sad. It makes me all nostalgic for the youth I so misspent, it makes me weep for the decade that has so quickly flown by and all the things I haven't achieved.

I remember feeling much like this in the approach to my thirtieth birthday. In fact, I think it took me over a year to get over it. I would pay any amount of money, sleep with whoever, do whatever to be back there now, obviously with all the things I have now, kids, husband, home etc... although that extra stone can bugger off!

I've read recently a couple of those lists, you know the type - things to do before you turn fort... bollocks—one year older than 39. I wonder what I am missing in life, aside from travel which any long-haul plans are scuppered for a few years due to the recent arrival, I don't think I've missed out on too much.

Some of the lists have such bland, mundane things on them that I wonder if the writer of the list ever actually ventures outside of the house - hello, trying escargo? - you're either going to try them or you're not and calling them escargo instead of snails makes you sound like a nobhead. Others are just clearly showing off with their lists of death defying activities and extreme sports. I could live to 100 and I would never have the desire to thrown myself out of an aeroplane or climb Kilimanjaro, I'm just not that type of girl woman.

There are places that I wish I'd been to, not because I don't think I'll ever get there (frantically touches some wood), but because I think I've missed my peak age to really enjoy what the place has to offer, whilst New York will still be fabulous in a couple of years time, I know I would have really loved it 5 years ago.  Likewise, Thailand would probably piss me off for the number of backpackers.

Reaching any age milestone makes you look back and evaluate your life so far.  You start to ask yourself if you are where you thought you would be (no, not at all)?  If you have any regrets (not really)? And would you do things differently (yep, probably)?  This reflection does nothing for you, it serves no purpose other than to annoy you even further and curse the hands of time.

Entering a new decade brings about some very serious new issues to deal with. Questions that never entered your head before are becoming almost daily considerations, although I should probably stop reading the Daily Mail online. Your actions and opinions have been shifting, oh so slightly that you never even noticed until now.  You used to like Jamie Oliver now you prefer the no nonsense approach of Delia Smith. You used to know what was number one in the charts even if it was just to scorn it, nowadays you only listen to radio stations who play music from the 90's and before.

Your bathroom sessions are getting longer and longer, eyebrow hairs are now growing further and further down your eyelid, the daily hunt for the grey hairs is now taking up a good hour (half hour in the morning and again before going to bed), you've started measuring your teeth to see just how much your gums are receeding—that's just me then?  You wonder how much fillers you can inject in your face without your husband mistaking you for a pillow. Botox is now becoming a viable option, hell who needs to smile anyway—I am officially an old git.

I guess I need to look back and count up all the things that I have achieved, count my blessing for the good things that happened in my 30s and maybe start hunting out 'Things to do before you're 50' lists, oooh a whole ten years to procrastinate about more stuff!

Anyway some of the things I did do....

Meet and marry t'husband
Go on an African Safari
Tour around northern India
Move to another country
Learn to speak another language (badly)
Have two children
Go on several very scary roller coasters (never again)
Learn to play squash (badly)
Eat pig's cheeks (very nice, highly recommend)
Drank a million litres of wine (más o menos)
Squander a least 3 years on twitter/facebook/blogger/internet forums