Thursday, September 16, 2010

Feminist or Floozy

Feminist or Floozy – It’s a no brainer!

The Zipless Fuck

I’ve been tagged, not the usual type of meme that has me dredging up 10 dull things that you don’t know about me, and probably don’t really want to know about me either.  No this lady, we’ll call her A Modern Military Mother, has decided to challenge both the stereotypical roles of women with regards to no-strings sex and if that wasn’t enough, the honesty of blog writing.  She herself was inspired by Mary Mac, who spoke of a book written by Erica Jong called ‘The Fear of Flying’ which was, back in the 70’s, a seminal piece of feminist literature.



 I’ve not read this book, in fact if I’m honest until last week I’d never heard of it, but I was a child not a woman of the 70’s, and it doesn’t strike me as the type of literature my own mother would have had around the house being a Jackie Collins type (she obviously liked her smut, just not the feminist type).   Apparently the main character of the book is in search of what she calls the ‘Zipless Fuck’.  A sexual encounter between two random strangers, a perfect one night stand where both parties walk away satisfied, sexually and I guess emotionally, to never see each other again.

AMMM revisits one of her own Zipless Fucks in her post, a night of unbridled passion in her third year of university with a handsome young chap.  She doesn’t recall his name.  Something I can completely relate to.  I was tempted to regale you with a story of a Zipless Fuck of my own, but I won’t, well not in any detail anyway.  Beside’s AMMM simply asks the question ‘Zipless Fuck – Feminist or Floozy?’ which is, of course, a time old argument.

For me, it really is a no brainer, if both parties are up for it (to coin a phrase) and there is no other party in the wings that may be hurt by this chance encounter then why not?  I don’t have an issue with one-night stands, fleeting sexual encounters where both players get what they want and leave quietly the next morning without exchanging numbers.  Who get hurts?  Nobody, but only so long as it is a true Zipless Fuck which are, as Erica Jong says in her book, ‘as rare as unicorns’. 

Whilst I don’t think that they are quite that rare, neither do I think they are common place.  Like-minded individuals who can take what they will and leave with good grace, neither one wanting to pursue a romance afterwards, no bitterness or regret.   This is for me, how I can easily differentiate between a Feminist and a Floozy.  When I think of the word ‘Floozy’, an image of a riotous drunken young woman offering her body far too easily, immediately springs to mind.  Anyone who has ever been on a Friday or Saturday night out in any city centre in the UK, or to a holiday resort in Greece or Spain will see this kind of behaviour all the time.  But the Floozy doesn’t have Zipless Fucks, more often than not the girl will wake the next morning with a thumping hangover, an ugly man in her bed, deep remorse and if she’s really unlucky, a dose of the clap.  Alternatively, she will have given herself away cheaply to a man she would actually like to have a relationship with.  The man, having taken what he wants will be unlikely to want anything more to do with her, well not until the next drunken encounter anyway.  The Floozy’s sex is driven by one of two things, alcohol or a low self esteem.  Actually scrub that, it’s usually both of those things.  I know this because I’ve been there, thankfully without the clap I hasten to add.

So how is it different for the Feminist then?  Yes, the modern day Zipless Fuck will undoubtedly be fuelled by some alcohol, but essentially it’s takes on a new level.  AMMM speaks of her David Beckham-esque Zipless Fuck as mute, not that he physically was, but they didn’t feel the need to communicate verbally.  That for me wouldn’t work, I would have to be turned on in the mind first before anything else started to really function.  However, the understanding that it is just for one night is there right from the off, it doesn’t need to be said really, it’s just mutually understood.  I guess if it has to be outlined and agreed upon then it can’t be a true Zipless Fuck.  The Feminist will be fully aware of herself, her surroundings and of course her temporary partner.  She will give as good as she gets, in every sense.  She won’t be passive or a passenger.  Most importantly, she will walk away the next morning without his telephone number but her head held high, fond memories and a smile on her face.  I know this because I have been here as well.

My real issue with all of this is that women still feel the need to either defend their sex lives or lie about them.   The old, think of a number and halve it, game.  Why?  It takes two to tango!  Why does it really matter if you’re a Feminist or a self-confessed Floozy?   Just so long as can look yourself in the mirror and dust yourself down when you’ve fallen flat on your face.  Am I a Feminist or a Floozy?  I don't think I'm either (or rather wasn't either, being the happily married woman that I am now), I had a lot of fun but along the way I inevitably made a few mistakes.  I'm not a bad person, in fact I think the way I have led my life makes me rather a wise person, but others may beg to differ.

Alas, there will always be a stigma attached to women who act on their sexuality.  There will, as those wise men from We Are Scientists once sang about, be women with lousy reputations.  Never men though eh?

We Are Scientists – Lousy Reputation

Why do I keep finding myself so surprised?
The qualities, you openly have advertised?
A bigger man might not feel quite so compromised
But I've never been a saint and I won't start tonight

It's burning me up
I've heard it enough
I won't let your lousy reputation throw me off
I've heard it enough
I won't let your lousy reputation throw me

I've heard some things I guess it's better not to know
It's pretty bad as far as first impressions go
A bigger man could probably get past it all
Oh, the problem here is I just won't grow up
So what?

It's burning me up
I've heard it enough
I won't let your lousy reputation throw me off
I've heard it enough
I won't let your lousy reputation throw me
Off, off, off
Off, off, off
Off, off, off
Off, off, off

It's burning me up
I've heard it enough
I won't let your lousy reputation throw me off
I've heard it enough
I won't let your lousy reputation throw me off
I've heard it enough
I won't let your lousy reputation throw me off
I've heard it enough
I won't let your lousy reputation throw me off





Read Vegemite Vix's thoughts on the same subject.


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