Wednesday, February 3, 2010

"Oh for God's sake would you just have a shit on the bog and be done with it...."

Hold up, before you reach for your phone to ring Social Services, I've not actually muttered those words, well not out loud anyway, but I am very, very close to it.

Joseph is 3½ and will not poo on the loo. I am at the end of my tether mainly because our constant encouragement and his constant resistance is manifesting itself into a wakeup call at 4am every night, when his body can no longer hang onto the poo and he inevitably does it in his pull-ups and wakes me up to change him.

I've tried everything I can think of, rewards, bribery (a present and a cake which has now been renamed a 'poo cake'), not doing things together until he's had a poo, reasoning, getting cross, even letting him watch me but still nothing. He will sit compliant on the loo for a few seconds and then announce "all gone" and get off.

I am currently trialling a no pull-up at all until he absolutely has to go, so far this has just made him clingy and bad tempered, probably due to a stomach ache and has left him letting off farts that smell like I would imagine dead skunks smell, thankfully he's back at school for a couple of hours this afternoon so someone else has to suffer those! Obviously I can only let him suffer this discomfort for so long and I have a sneaky feeling that he'll be back in a pull-up for bedtime tonight without having had his daily ablution.

He eats a well balance diet with plenty of wholemeal bread, fruit and vegetables and has never suffered with constipation so I know that it's not an issue of pain. He's not afraid of the toilet itself and he fully understands the concept of 'big boys pooing in the toilet' but he just won't go. Gah!

Anyone else out there experienced the same thing? How did you tackle the problem or did it just resolve itself without any intervention? All help and advice greatly accepted.



  1. No advice sorry! We haven't had this problem - yet! Have you tried reward/sticker charts??

  2. I read 'on the blog'. And thought: wow, this woman must be VERY bored in Catalunya. :-D

  3. It may be a power issue. He knows he's got you there with this behavior. So first don't let him know you care or are upset. Then don't change him at 4 am. Let him wallow in it until morning. Be cheerful no matter what and don't let him get to you no matter how nasty he or his bed gets!

    Easier said then done, I know. Put power issues are hard.

  4. I have a 31/2 year old who won't go near the loo.
    My husband tells me I should fight it, and leave him without a diaper all day (which means naked, cause he won't even agree to wear underwear!) and let him wait 'till he's ready to explode. But I will not do it. After a period a of fights and him holding it 'till it hurt, I said no more. He can keep his diaper and "be a baby" as we emphasize to him every time we change.) until he's good and ready.
    Maybe it's cause he is a second child. My daughter was quick and easy getting out of diapers, but girls are different, I think.
    Anyway, think of it this way, in the long run he will be out of diaper and you won't remember if it took 6 month more, or less.
    He understands, he knows, and he'll tell you when he's ready to change his habit.
    Why make everybody miserable?
    Just make a bit of a fuss when you change him.
    "awe, stinky, when are you going to be a big boy?" etc. etc.
    I promise you, he'll be out of diapers soon.
    That's my attitude anyway. I have no energy for these fights.
    hope this helps.

  5. A friend of mine used mineral oil on her kid who'd hold it for days and well I'm not sure its worth it because all the oil seeps out but well quite frankly I'd rather not think about it but apparently it does the trick

  6. It does sort itself out and the more of an issue you make it the worse for all. With my first I got it all of a twicth adn a tether and it made us both miserbale but by the time he saw all hismates going to the loo like big boys it did not take long. As for hsi brother, I just resigned myself to nappies at night rather than pull ups (it's a leakage issue) and we're all fine. Half teh time I think parenting is all about mindset...just wish I could remind myself of that when they are naughty!!!

  7. I had this with mine: fine during the day using the potty or loo for wees but waited until the nappy was put on him at night until he did a poo. I think part of the problem was that he was scared of sitting on the loo, thinking he would fall in! A toddler seat made him less wary but in the end I think the situation just resolved itself.

  8. I really wish I could remember how I got mine to do it as he was also 3 1/2 and would disappear behind the sofa and then .. we would smell him he would sit in it too, quite happy hated me changing him I would have to chase him !!
    I think try not to make a huge issue of it .. he will do it .. in his own time though probably. I know its hard but try and back off a little.
    Do you have a step and an inner seat maybe the loo feels massive to him?
    You have my sympathy, but I can assure you he will go on the loo one day :)

  9. Oh god... You poor woman. I'll be facing this for the first time soon and am terrified already! As a side note, I read Juno California's reply and thought that she said she knew a 31 and 1/2 year old in nappies. Whoops! Irish Mammy also wrote a blog on this subject this week so your not alone. If you want to read her blog, she's on my bloglist.

  10. Toilet training is awful. My oldest is 7 and we're still trying to get dry at night. Hang in there!

  11. I made the same mistake as Metropolitan Mum!

    Not sure I can help with this. My girl was easy peasy to train and I've yet to start with my boy. I may be coming to you for advice in a few months time.

  12. I so don't want to have to do this with ours ... it sounds so difficult

  13. Kids are weird full stop. We had to Squeeeze and Pull (not as sexy as the Bend and Snap!) the poo from our first born when 2nd was born, and then when the sitting on the toilet game began some time later she released around 22 separate poos in the course of about half and hour - giggling all the way. 2nd and 3rd are happy on the toilet but both refused to wipe their own bottoms until age 7 (well 3rd is still 6 but is following in brother's footsteps). 2nd was nappiless at night at about the same time as 1st (ie I think she was challenged into bothering when she realised he was about to over-take her). Both 3rd and 4th were dry at night long before they were fine in the day - and way ahead of the 'norm' for us up until then. None of this makes any sense to me. Like I said, kids are weird. And best ignored I find. And so are most other parents actually. Especially me. Sorry I'm absolutely no help.

  14. I like your tights.

  15. Love it! It's all ahead of me....I've tagged you over on mine for the Shiny Happy Things Tag x

  16. Oh hun I so know your pain with this issue. If it's any help but probably not it will get better. My 15 yr old was shocking at that age and just like you I tried everything bribes, pleading, shouting, back massage but none of it worked. I think he was just scared to go. My sister has a 4 yr old and she has just stopped doing it so maybe its a 3 - 4 yr thing some of them go through. xx

  17. Eh... might want to check the poor kids bladder... might have a clog.